Yes, it should of been on your terms.
It's funny. When I found out my xah was using it became out of control. He had the power. I knew it was wrong. But, I was bending over backwards to make him happy and doing everything to keep him. In the end he ran away to someone who had no expectations and allowed his behavior... Someone who babied, paid for, probably supplied and kept him. There was no rational. There was no ethics,morals or goodness coming from him. He was an addict. He was using. All he cared about was being able to use without some nag looking or telling him that it was wrong. He knew it was wrong.
Anyways, my point is YOU need to begin the process of letting him go. He is hurting you. He is a dead weight. He is not capable of giving you what you need. You deserve someone who is clean, respectful and kind. You deserve a man, not a child. Run and don't look back.