As much as alcohol made me lose inhibition and forget my problems, the flip side of that would be horrible regret and self loathing when the drunk wore off. The self-loathing and negative self-talk - I hate myself, etc. - has faded almost entirely as a result of not drinking. So, I think just drinking selzer, and spiking it only with fresh fruit, maybe could make you generally happier, able to forgive yourself, and way more capable of navigating your feelings regarding your relationship. Selzer with fruit, or even fancy mineral waters give me this sense of sophistication that alcohol promises but doesn't deliver. My 2 cents. I hope you feel better.