Amy,
I would think twice before you say things to your XAH about what he has told the kids. This might come back to bite you. If he asks your daughter why she told you, etc. She may not trust you with anymore information. My son tells me things his father says and when I go back and blast my ex or mention it in email as you did. My ex gets angry with my son and then comes up with new excuses to offset my truth. My son then gets angrier with me for breaking his trust. When my son tells me things now that my ex says, I discuss them with my son very calmly and reason them out with him and explain how that couldn't be possible. And I do not say anything to my ex. My son now feels safe to tell me what his father says and does. It is healthier for my son to be able to discuss his fathers craziness with me in a safe environment where he knows I won't betray his trust.