I had a somewhat similar experience with my "wonderful guy" with 2 wonderful girls that had been kept from him for years from the "wicked ex-wife" and was one of the reasons he drank (or so he said). When I "helped" him get his visitation I fell in love with those girls and felt so sorry for them. Their mom was emotionally unavailable and they were being raised by a ballet studio (yep... a ballet mom who made sure her girls practiced, practiced, practiced every single day after school in class after class.)
Dad loved his girls and he flourished except about every 4 to 8 months he would relapse and the panic would always be about the girls who truly needed their dad. I stayed for 4 years doing every single thing I could to force sobriety on that guy... after all what about the kids?
Finally he relapsed one time too many and this time I caught him sneak drinking at the bowling alley about 11 am while bowling with his youngest!
That was the end... I took him to rehab and dumped him out on the doorstep and haven't looked back. That was 4 years ago and he has gotten sober and relapsed at least 15 times since them but I only heard about it and stuck with my boundaries.
My boundary was I would go on an international date he pays for to Tahiti after he had been in solid authentic recovery for one year. He NEVER made it more than 8 months! Clock reset every time...
And about those girls.... of course once the drunk was gone all contact was broken as mom despised me for helping him get contact with his kids. THIS was MORE traumatic than the breakup with the XA. They were like my own and I loved them dearly....sigh.
I have kept track of them and send them gifts through the XA's mom and someday once grown I hope I get a chance to see them again. Dad has completely blown it with the girls with his chronic relapsing....they are now busy teenagers and don't have time for his nonsense.
My suggestion? Get the complete history of his addiction from the first drink...what age was he? Get the full bio and with drinking patterns and amounts and sober time periods and how he got sober. If he has been drinking alcoholically and binging and relapsing on a regular basis for decades the prognosis is not good statistically.
If I had a do over I would have put my XA on the shelf after the first relapse until he got a full year and then dialed in the expensive exotic vacation dates...if they have a bunch of money to take you world traveling then they are not drinking! LOL.
I never got the vacation. I never got the see the kids again. I wasted a LOT Of time on this dead end relationship... and yes he is back drinking AGAIN I just heard. Thank the stars and the my HP that I didn't waste the last 4 years too....
Favorite saying: Be careful what you wish for because sometimes you get what you want.