I have a long history of dating alcoholics and addicts. For a long time, many of the men I chose were also incapable of commitment. They would string me along with morsels of affection and claims that they just weren't capable of being in love at the moment, and I would stick by them and hope that eventually they'd change their mind. In my mid 30s, I met a man who I thought was different. Yes, he had addiction issues, but this guy told me that he loved me. He seemed really devoted. We talked about marriage. I was convinced that I was finally doing something different, that if I could just work through his addiction issues with him I would have the partner I needed. It didn't work out. His addiction destroyed the relationship, and eventually I had to accept that he wasn't going to change. I realize now that I'd just traded one kind of addict for another. Instead of a standoffish emotionally cold addict, I'd found myself a clingy, emotionally dependent addict. Turns out I hadn't really traded up.