Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement and looking forward. Fingers crossed, prayers raised, karma working ...
I (we, really) probably went further than I needed, but she wanted to talk and we had precious alone time for the whole night so we did...
Addressed some issues that were likely part of her behavior while 'UTI' that I have never gotten past and my position on them are the reason for the bitterness that comes across here towards her. Its not the addiction at all, its what has happened and been said to damage my precious relationship with my son. Things can't be unsaid or unseen or unheard. Its like a shot fired; The bullet cannot be stopped or redirected once the trigger has been pulled.
Those are things I'll have to decide if I can live with - as they have been issues in my heart for a few years (one of them has. The other was the "abuse" claim that brought me here in desperation). I addressed that too last night. Again, probably said too much (who ME?).
She conceded almost right off that,"Okay, you didn't attack me - at least not physically...". Well, we still disagreed, b/c she had it in her head I came into the room with rage in my eyes and heart. So a look in one;s eyes and presumed feelings constitute "attack" now? Well, we differed on that one and she said nothing when I told her what that must've done to our son who surely believed Mom that Dad "attacks" her when not in his presence. Short of a sincere announcement of her lying or "misspeaking" to our son in my presence, I will not forgive or forget that or the older one (the latter is too long a story).
I indicated that she really blew it with the abuse claim and that this "set some things into motion" (no details). She asked what but I just maintained that she really stepped in it and she needn't know more than that.
WHY DID YOU SAY ALL THAT BOB? I hear some saying...
Maybe she will reflect on these things and realize just how bad its been while she has been checked out (and in once in a while).
Lastly, she said she "checked back in" (my term for stopped drinking) a couple weeks back. It was fairly obvious she had cut back or stopped. She said she went back b/c I/we slapped her back to the bottle. She "returned" to our lives with irritability and intensity and bossiness that was ridiculous. Of course we did not embrace that, so our reaction offer her - in her mind - a reason to just withdraw back to her fog. I said that if she had told us (or at least me) what was going on, it might have been easier to accept her brashness as a temporary symptom and I could have addressed it with her in private (Honey, you need to REALY tone it down! I know you are struggling now, but...).
Well, so there is even MORE background and detail on last night. I need to go study for my new hobby's class tonight... and finish mowing the grass where the mower was left in the middle of the lawn - lol!
Bye.