I think Bob is getting held to a really high standard. There was a poster here named Hammer who used to post here who had an intense and obvious disdain for HIS wife and who kept his kids in harm's way (sort of made a joke of her issues with them), but he was held up in this thread as a role model of sorts to follow. Bob has that same frustration, sure, but if others have been allowed years to take action, should we really expect Bob to jump and make all these changes overnight? I do agree he could use some additional help---Al-Anon, counseling, something---but I believe he is pursuing or at least considering those things.
One step at a time Bob. Hang in there, consider your options and keep moving forward.