Let me take a stab... Bob, I think you've only recently come to the realization you can't "fix" her. (Yesterday? Day before?) You now realize she probably won't just wake up one day and say "I think I'll go to rehab!" You know that as soon as you confront her with YOUR boundary ("We choose not to live with an active addict in THIS house") the savage beast will be unleashed and will not back down and the "show's on". And your lives will be forever changed. Am I right? And that's scary. But perhaps that's just the action that starts the chain of events that will lead to a brighter future for you and your son?