I think what hurt most about my father's death was that he didn't die suddenly, like from a heart attack or accident but from cancer. My stepmother wanted to contact me but he refused to tell her how to get a hold of me. We had a chance to make things right before his death but he didn't and now I have to live with it.
I hope that I don't do that to my kids even though as strong as their hatred for me is they will probably party at my funeral.
I'm leaving the door open to them, I have tried to make amends with them and they refuse to talk to me. They have no one to blame but themselves for anything down the road. I take responsibility for my past actions, they will have to take responsibility for theirs.