Yeah Refiner, kinda makes me look like a real pansy-ass, doesn't it? Well, it certainly did not start out that way, but.... Back to the frog in the pot of water reference. It was fine - great - at first. Both of us working, taking weekends and vacations together. Striving and thriving. I was well along a path toward "financial independence" of sorts, and eventually left my job to go out on my own. She worked - until we had a child. We agreed (she did plenty of convincing) we wanted our baby to have a Mom, not day care and the like, and there were economic benefits to staying home as well (no need for details). As the water in the proverbial "frog pot" heated up (her now at home not working), it was so slow and gentle (doing less and less for various 'reasons'), I never quite noticed it was getting hot (she was gradually setting up more and more comfort for herself) till it started boiling (pathetic excuse-making, alcoholism, laziness with every excuse under the sun) - and now I (the frog) am about COOKED. But by God, I have not given up by a long stretch! I hate to think this was all by plan, and maybe it was not a "master plan" but just evolved one step at a time, but in hindsight it sure did work out well for her, whether planned or not. The strong, independent, reasonably hard-working woman I met became a soft, excuse-making blob.
Well, maybe TMI, but you opened that can of worms and so I spilled the beans (can I work in any MORE sayings in one place - lol?!?.)
I guess now you might see why and how I am NOT leaving and why I am determined to have her comply or go away. This is MY "little empire" and a lot of it - most of it - I built on LITERALLY blood, sweat and tears - and lots of the latter two!
Now all that being said, I can't put all blame on her. Over the last several years, I have gotten "lazy" while enjoying the fruits of my labors and the "low-effort" income I have set up over a lifetime of working, building, and investing - and of course some decent health and some good enough "luck".
So now you know another part of the story that really is not so much about the addiction or accusations as it is a symptom of them - or maybe even causes (too much time, not enough effort required to stay the course, etc.). And in her defense, she has had a couple surgeries with long, painful lead-ups and long painful recovery times.
Look, it is not as cut and dry as it appears here. A lot of life circumstances have added up, but in the end she has taken some wrong turns and is now lost. Thank God (and I'll take some credit too) I have by no means been anywhere close to perfection, but do feel I have made the best choices I could given my circumstances. My biggest regret is not having seen the heat under the pot turned on and not turning it off before the water got too warm. And now I am cooking in my own broth - - - - - - - - - - so to speak