Why should she be allowed to maintain a sense of dignity while she tears down my life and the very home she "has the right" to drink in???
Lets change the description. Let's change it from she "has the right". I think you are stuck on that, let's change to "she can". She can continue to drink no matter what her actions do to you or your son. You can lay down as many "rules" as you want. Whether she decides to abide by them is up to her.
I know we all get stuck on the rule thing - and in reality there are "rules". In my home there is no smoking in the house (my rule). The cats are brushed and groomed everyday and litter changed 2x a day (husband's rule). No purchases made over 1k without addressing it with the other (agreed upon rule). These aren't boundaries they are rules. What if one of us breaks "the rule"? What happens? If I only change the littler once a day do I have to sit in time out in the corner? Do I get a spanking? Do I lose my computer privileges for the night?
There is no enforcement I am a grown up. I don't have to listen to his complaints even, I can walk out of the room. I can leave the house. I can stick my fingers in my ears. Let's say I just stopped cleaning litter box (ewwwww gross!). My husband can either start, or he can kiss my a** if that's my attitude. There is nothing he can do to ME other than leave, and find a new place to live cat free.
I prefer to live in peace. I respect my husband and he me. So we abide by the rules. Your wife is an addict so rules don't apply. Its as simple as that. If you asked her is she glad she is destroying the family I feel she would say no, nor would she acknowledge it affects anyone but her. The perspective of most addicts is not to see that anyway because they are too intoxicated, and are too self-absorbed.
Hell no she doesn't "have the right" to tear down your life and home - but it doesn't mean she won't, and it certainly doesn't mean she will stop. She simply can if you let her. That is all.