Haennie - I took care of my mother for her last days and I can relate to the fear, anxiety and sadness you are going through. For me, it seemed so incredible that this woman who had been so strong and acted as both parents to me was dying before my eyes. It was surreal. I entreated God to spare her, but to no avail. It was her time. There were days when she didn't recognize anyone, even me. I know it was the illness and/or meds she was on, but it was very disturbing nonetheless. I somehow found the inner strength to get through her illness and subsequent death. I hope you find that as well. I had to really dig into my spiritual "toolbox" as it were. If you find solace in going to church, go for it! Hang in there GF. I know it is hard.