Sorry guys I know I'm over posting but I don't have anyone to really talk about this with and it helps me to get it out.
This part just rattled me. It's been awhile since I had these thoughts but I've had them in the past more times than I'd care to admit......
It tells you that life is largely meaningless, that there is little good in life, that life has little if any real pleasures, and that it is hardly worth living. It will not hesitate to suggest that might as well commit suicide and get it over with. "Life sucks," it broods, "and you will never feel right." And it will often suggest specific ways that you can kill yourself, such as by shooting yourself or running your car into a cement wall or off a cliff.
I can remember lying in bed and thinking if I had a gun I would shoot myself in the head and end the misery. Or lying in the bath and contemplating my wrists. Or driving my car and thinking about just running it off a bridge, free fall. Again it's been a long time since I had them and at that time I was drinking A LOT. Yeah I never want to go there again.......