You know LexieCat, I think it really does boil down to the fact that I have not yet accepted the fact that she (alcoholism, she, whomever/whatever) has essentially f'd up our lives and according to you and most here, there is probably no turning back. What I'm hearing and trying to avoid with all my might is that a death (of sorts) has occurred and I can try as I may to resuscitate the "patient", but the chances are close to nil. The patient, so to speak, is brain -dead and hope is faded almost to black.
I have been fighting and grasping at straws to make it not so -and still will make any efforts I can before throwing in the towel. This is hard for me to fathom - not swallow, but even fathom that this is as far along and horrific as it appears now to be.
Naivete, ignorance, or denial - not sure which, but it feels like another family member has been caught in the clutches of cancer... The same feeling of helplessness setting in, death being all but a sure thing.
I think that's why the 200 posts and counting. The analysis paralysis. The searching...
I see but still can't believe my eyes.