Welcome to SR Langdonk.
Originally Posted by
Langdonk1 
I want to be able to enjoy myself without feeling like alcohol is the cause of my symptoms of depression
That might be a little difficult, because alcohol IS a depressant, hence there's a good chance it's the cause of your symptoms of depression.
Alcohol Use, Abuse, and Depression: Is There a Connection?
Alcohol is a depressant. That means any amount you drink can make you more likely to get the blues. Drinking a lot can harm your brain and lead to depression.