Yes have been thinking about this recently, the pain , anxiety, self hatred, spiritual depression , fear and bewilderment and this only describes the psychological feelings add to this shakes, sick , sweats , pacing, inability to think and relax, swollen face and loss of teeth.
This was the culmination of two weeks drinking which i justified by saying I was on holiday. During this holiday i was sick over people in a restaurant, taken home drunk by a 14 year autistic boy, drunk almost constantly , in black outs for days and generally making a clown of myself.
Whilst home i continued drinking until i fell asleep when i woke up i was racked with guilt and fear and my head was doing a number on me after various trips for glasses of vodka and valium , i got some relieve when it became light. I was up and add it again.
I phoned some aa members just to talk and went to an aa meeting that night iwas still drunk, full of shame and remorse.
The natur of my addiction is that the next morning my initial thought was that i was premature in going back to aa meetings.
That was the 13th August 2013 and i have remained sober since.
Its been hard but i have not lifted the first drink and not suffered any of what i had previously described. I dont take to aa easily and could be described as deep, moody and awkward however i enjoy being sober and the greatest gift i have now is my self respect back, peace of mind and gratitude.