987g

So I finally started working the Al-anon program. I'm going to 3-4 meetings a week, making an effort to meet new people, and reading literature. Change is scary, it's almost like I'm learning a foreign language or something, but I know my situation can only get better not worse.

I'm struggling with the work place though. The second I walk through the door of my work, I become someone different.
I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because my to-do list is never ending. From the time I clock in to the time I finally clock out (usually staying later than I'm supposed to) I am going non-stop physically and mentally.

My coworkers don't know much about me, they just see me as some sweet, hard working girl who is stressed out. They don't know that during my lunch break I sit in my car and read my daily books. They don't know that after work I head straight to Al-anon or AA. They also don't know that sometimes when I come in I'm not just "tired," but my mind is a million miles because there's been a crisis - sometimes real, sometimes only conjured up in my mind.

I wait to go off work or I wait for the weekend so I can be myself again. I feel like when I go to work I have a mask on or I'm playing a character, it's not my real life. I realize everyone has to deal with this to an extent...when you go to work you check your personal problems at the door. I also realize a big part of it is because I don't like my job; it's nothing like I was told it would be so it does take it's toll. But it's gotten to the point where I dread going to work. Anybody else ever felt like this? How do you put your recovery first when you work at a job that demands so much of you?