Finally Scared
I'm 29, started drinking heavily around 14. The only excuse I can offer is a really complex family situation. My father was an alcoholic and died right after he spent two years in the can, face down in a motel with a needle sticking out of his arm. My Mother was mentally ill, and they both died at 42, same year (coincidentally).
I have a wonderful wife that has put up with all of it... week after week, helping me into bed because I'm slouched over... somewhere..... in the house.
Anyway, I recently had a full health panel and told the doctor I have been regularly consuming 30-40 beers a week for the last decade. It was supposed to be my intervention... my AHA! moment. The doc pressed on my liver and it hurt, and then told me it was the "40 beers talking back to me". But the health panel results proved I was as healthy as any 30 year old could hope to be, with the liver and kidneys being very normal in their ranges.
I think it has backfired, because I was certain there was some type of liver damage. Where the doc pressed, ended up being gastritis.
I got drunk last week and blacked out... urinated in a closet and woke up in bed thinking nothing happened. My wife was devastated... I vowed to quit (for the one-hundredth time). Seven days later I could not think about anything but getting a drink. It has been getting worse and I think I've been running with the fact that since there is no damage now according the the health panel, that maybe I'm immune?
Today I had two beers, which I never do. It was not even the alcohol... I had such a craving for the taste of beer, that as soon as it hit my tounge my heart rate decreased and the anxiety went away. I felt normal, and I was not even buzzed.
Any recommendations? I've quit before (which spanned 8 months), but never have had such cravings after only one week. Does it sound like addiction? I think I am addicted and only after a week do I start getting the insatiable cravings that drive me mad and cause me to give in.