Hi pal.
I have been thinking a lot about the same lately. My husband is a reactor. He always has to be right, argumentative, controversial, louder, more verbose, challenging. I'm the opposite. Now. Wasn't always that way. He used to call me "Rocky" because it was as if every time a bell rang, my dukes went up. Lol. We always attributed it to my being Irish, drunk, and feisty.
Truth was, I was miserable and constantly seeking attention to soothe my precious wounded ego. Which was ALWAYS wounded. I was always victimized. It was as if I walked through the world thinking everyone sucked and no one cared and it was every man for herself and just f you and the horse you rode in on. Funny, EXACTLY like my mom. Exactly. To the t.
Learned behavior for me, for sure.
He likes to verbally spar. Me, not so much anymore. I'd just as soon be left alone to seek and search existentialistic shenanigans. I could care less about being right. And even more less about you thinking I'm right. It holds no appeal at the present. Like Pacino said in Scent of a Woman, "I'm too old, too tired, too ******* blind."
.
And most definitely, too sober.
For me, I have found my energy is better spent working on myself and why I needed to be so all of that. Did it give my life more meaning ? Make me less fallible and therefore less human ? More human ? Who knows. Who even cares.
One of the books I read that truly was a game changer for me was Breaking Free From the Victim Trap.
Bells going "ding" now , no longer make me wanna fight.
Now they remind me of Clarence in Its a Wonderful Life....