Notices

Do No Harm -- brags (examples) sought

Old 05-28-2015, 06:52 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
p***enger
Thread Starter
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,986
Do No Harm -- brags (examples) sought

Does anybody want to crow here about something they've done lately that shows restraint of pen or tongue? Care for the interests of others over their own ego, interest or whimsy?

I increasingly have a problem in sobriety just going slow, acting & speaking with care. I have a wonderful expanse of sober time in front of me, so why do I rush into actions too fast?

I've been a bit angry lately. Acquiring resentments left & right. Showing my fangs where they weren't wanted
Time to stop just admiring the concept of restraint of pen & tongue from afar, and practice it. Your examples eagerly looked for!
courage2 is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 06:55 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,044
Follow me around here for a bit Courage lol...

< inner <outer

If I'm not sure of something, I'll type it out and walk away - if it seems ok when I come back I hit send. If not, back to the editing board


D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 06:58 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Dee's example is a fantastic one. I use it a lot work, especially when writing email or documents that will be shared with groups of people. I use it here too, especially if I'm writing about something I feel strongly about.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 07:02 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I think I exercised some restraint of tongue tonight with my husband. I tried to bring myself down a few notches during our argument. I nipped it in the bud I really wanted to blow a gasket though.
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:22 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
I pretty much have no filter. I wouldn't deliberately say something to hurt someone but that's more out compassion than restraint. I have noticed Snarkbunny that my perception has changed so I find myself less angry these days. Plus the Celexa helps.
silentrun is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:30 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ct.
Posts: 173
I talk(and listen) for a living, and I've been told at times I should be an entertainer instead of a salesman.. but sometimes I say too much or say things I regret in the name of humor. If nobody gets hurt though, I've learned to just say "Next" to myself and move on without beating myself up like I used to.
youbetcha is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:43 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Originally Posted by youbetcha View Post
I talk(and listen) for a living, and I've been told at times I should be an entertainer instead of a salesman.. but sometimes I say too much or say things I regret in the name of humor. If nobody gets hurt though, I've learned to just say "Next" to myself and move on without beating myself up like I used to.
I will cross the line in the name of humor myself. Just make sure you have a smile on your face and you can get away with it.
silentrun is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:48 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
p***enger
Thread Starter
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,986
I sometimes am honest with undue brutality. I'm feeling bad because even though I told my son that I wanted to be at his wedding, I also told them that I only wanted it because he wants it, because honestly, emotionally I don't give a crap about anything ceremonial or any illusion of commitment to more than the moment. He knows that but I didn't have to say it. He wants to think I'm a regular human, why couldn't I let him?

The rest of recent stuff doesn't bother me as much as that.
courage2 is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:52 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Courage, I can relate a little. My husband didn't care at all about getting wedding and engagement rings. Nor did he care about a wedding. He's pretty much like you in that anything ceremonial just wasn't important to him. We eloped to make things simple, but I really wanted the rings. They were very important to me. So, we got the rings. And for a while my feelings were hurt because he didn't care at all about them.

Somehow I've just gotten over it all We have crazy new problems new to supplant those, lol.

Maybe your son will, in time, be ok with how you feel
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 08:53 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
I think the real problem is why you feel that way. You can explain it to your son if you can understand it first. ceremonial or any illusion of commitment ...that's an odd way to describe your son's marriage.
silentrun is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 09:01 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
p***enger
Thread Starter
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,986
Since it's a ceremony I don't see why "ceremonial" is odd. And since we pretty much all know how easily what one thinks is a "forever" commitment disappears in sight of a bottle or a line or an opportunity to deceive.... I commit to "now" very very often, but I don't trust myself when I commit to "then."

That said. Without restraint. Because I'm verbish

Can we get some more brags?
courage2 is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 09:11 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
voices ca**y
 
silentrun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
This one time I was going to tell this poster on SR she reminded me of the nihilists who lost her toe in "The Big Lebowski ". Instead I just hit the thanks button. (see what I did there? I crossed the line for humor.)

Last edited by silentrun; 05-28-2015 at 09:12 PM. Reason: Am I the only one who cares about the rules!?!
silentrun is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 09:15 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
p***enger
Thread Starter
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,986


Fast & right on the spot. Thank you ma'am!
courage2 is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 09:17 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
FeenixxRising's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Originally Posted by courage2 View Post
Does anybody want to crow here about something they've done lately that shows restraint of pen or tongue? Care for the interests of others over their own ego, interest or whimsy?

I increasingly have a problem in sobriety just going slow, acting & speaking with care. I have a wonderful expanse of sober time in front of me, so why do I rush into actions too fast?

I've been a bit angry lately. Acquiring resentments left & right. Showing my fangs where they weren't wanted
Time to stop just admiring the concept of restraint of pen & tongue from afar, and practice it. Your examples eagerly looked for!
I've written at least six posts over the past seven days and then deleted them because I felt they were too caustic and were written more to prove I'm right rather than with the intention of being helpful.

I'm still working on not having the thoughts and emotions that compel me to write such posts, but that's going to take some time.
FeenixxRising is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 09:23 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Joe Nerv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Ya know, for some reason I hate to admit this, but I'm gonna...

I recently got Serius XM in my car. Joel Olsteen has a channel. I listen to him for a half hour now every morning on the way to work.

Why do I hate to admit this? Well, I don't believe exactly what he believes, and I think his message is simplistic and repetitive, BUT, I have to admit it gets to me. It works. It fills me with positive, upbeat thoughts and energy and kinda brainwashes me (I need the washing). I now walk into work every day with a smile on my face, striving to be the absolute best person I can be. And things roll off of me a lot more easily than they used you. I find myself being more focused, loving, and accepting.

I need good stuff in the morning. I never understood how or why people listen to the news in the morning, or read the paper. I'm beginning to find these positive early morning messages essential. I used to listen to a lot of Maryanne Williamson, and that also used to do the trick. Need to start figuring out how to get her into my car.

There. It's out in the open now .
Joe Nerv is offline  
Old 05-28-2015, 10:32 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I find it really hard to shut up as well. My massive ego always tries to convince me that my opinion is invaluable - even when others really don't need to hear it, and really it's just a way of airing my own resentments; fears; or anxieties.

Anyway - recently I heard someone else say he'd been told by his sponsor to do something to get past just that problem, so I've been trying it, and it's been quite helpful to me (not 100% success rate - but I'm getting there).

He said "I was told, before you open that big mouth of yours to give an opinion or repeat what you've been told, just ask yourself three questions. One. Does this need to be said? Two. Does it need to be said by me? Three. Does it need to be said by me, right now? If the answer to any of these questions is 'No', then keep quiet."

It's really tough, but I never seem to regret not saying things in the same way I do if I let my wobbly-gob run away with me.
Berrybean is offline  
Old 05-29-2015, 12:08 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
I'm almost the opposite. I think carefully before I say or write anything that's the least bit controversial. In some ways, that's a bad thing because I end up with a million seething resentments.

I rarely feel anger though. Oh...except towards my sister in law...I have fleeting visions of bopping her over the head next time she opens her selfish money-grabbing insensitive loud mouth

Oops... 😇
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 05-29-2015, 01:24 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
That bell or bike person
 
mecanix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Quite often i'll write a post with "you" and "could" , then i go through and change it to "i" and "did" and that way i drag out of myself some experience which might be useful for someone .

If someones post upsets me then it's quite a novelty and can hopefully lead to some reflection as to why .

Sr is a place of great positivity , of people trying and doing great works for themselves .

The only think that irks me are the potential fake people/profiles as there are good people here trying to do something good and it annoys me that their time might get wasted on some kind of vicarious fantasist .

m
mecanix is offline  
Old 05-29-2015, 06:28 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
p***enger
Thread Starter
 
courage2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,986
I read a post from another member this a.m. on "guarding against disguised hostility" and fairness. How do they relate?

Quick judgments are those that haven't had the time to balance all sides of a story. If I were someone who "goes along to get along" that would mean a tendency to be too readily agreeable -- but I'm not that way, I'm thoroughly disagreeable Really, I've been tested

Jumping in too fast with a judgment is like pulling a weapon before the other guy can reach for his. It establishes an atmosphere of hostilility and confrontation instead of mutual respect & support. It looks like a rational statement but it acts like an attack (disguised hostility).

Man oh man I have a lot to learn from you all.
courage2 is offline  
Old 05-29-2015, 06:45 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
 
alphaomega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,884
Hi pal.

I have been thinking a lot about the same lately. My husband is a reactor. He always has to be right, argumentative, controversial, louder, more verbose, challenging. I'm the opposite. Now. Wasn't always that way. He used to call me "Rocky" because it was as if every time a bell rang, my dukes went up. Lol. We always attributed it to my being Irish, drunk, and feisty.

Truth was, I was miserable and constantly seeking attention to soothe my precious wounded ego. Which was ALWAYS wounded. I was always victimized. It was as if I walked through the world thinking everyone sucked and no one cared and it was every man for herself and just f you and the horse you rode in on. Funny, EXACTLY like my mom. Exactly. To the t.

Learned behavior for me, for sure.

He likes to verbally spar. Me, not so much anymore. I'd just as soon be left alone to seek and search existentialistic shenanigans. I could care less about being right. And even more less about you thinking I'm right. It holds no appeal at the present. Like Pacino said in Scent of a Woman, "I'm too old, too tired, too ******* blind." .

And most definitely, too sober.

For me, I have found my energy is better spent working on myself and why I needed to be so all of that. Did it give my life more meaning ? Make me less fallible and therefore less human ? More human ? Who knows. Who even cares.

One of the books I read that truly was a game changer for me was Breaking Free From the Victim Trap.

Bells going "ding" now , no longer make me wanna fight.

Now they remind me of Clarence in Its a Wonderful Life....
alphaomega is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:04 PM.