Originally Posted by
ArtFriend 
Thank you all very much! And I mean that. It saddens me to learn that others share my story, but it also reminds me that I am not alone.
I think we all live life with a "lens" based on experience but also based on personality traits, inherent or learned or both. In my case, I think I must have been born a person who always thinks of others first, even to my own detriment. I am highly aware of what other people think, feel etc.
Just a small example. When I was about 12 years old I had paper route. One of my customers was a woman who had elephantitis (extreme swelling of the legs). I felt so badly for her. She said she rarely got outside because she needed a wheelchair and couldn't afford one. So part of my delivery route were businesses. I decided to see if I could collect enough donations from the businesses to get her a used wheelchair. I finally gathered enough money to get her the chair, but come to realize, she was too frightened to go outside, wheelchair or not. I was devastated. Not because I spent all that effort on her, but that I wasn't able to help her in a way she needed.
So I guess I expect people to be the same way and when it is not reciprocated, I get hurt. Over and over. Some say I am a martyr... I get off on feeling that people have failed me. I don't agree. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations... but they are mine. I cannot be something else. I don't know if this makes any sense to you all. I am trying to explain myself, but to what end I don't know.
Thanks for listening and responding. I am sorry if this sounds smarmy or phony. It is not.
ArtFriend writes>>> but come to realize, she was too frightened to go outside, wheelchair or not. I was devastated. Not because I spent all that effort on her, but that I wasn't able to help her in a way she needed.<<<
Is it possible that your kindness helped her? The simple saying “it’s the thought that counts” has a lot of power. I’ve gotten presents that didn’t follow my taste, but and a BIG BUT, it was the gesture that counted.
I was raised Roman Catholic. The two Judeo-Christian teachings I’ve taken away from my former faith that I try to practice is MY free will of being responsible for the choices I make. That true giving, is giving without expecting anything in return, including a thank you.
I suspect that most adults would come to the aid of young children and adolescents; in general society seems to place a higher value on children, but I must remind myself that many adults to some extent are emotionally childlike, ACoA is a prime example, so coming to their aid for me shouldn't be any different than aid to a child. Tolerance is the key, but tolerance begins with me being tolerant of myself.
I attempt to help others recover from addiction, which is giving of myself. BUT, I don’t have any expectations, due to carrying the message and not the alcohol addict. The message is MY message based on MY experience. There’s ONLY one way I can do this and I wrote about it on any other thread titled “Don’t fit in to AA” it goes like this… As an AA fellowship member, I'm not a follower or a leader, I'm a solo affair. I'm not any more concerned with whom I carry the recovery message to than who I don't. This approach to carrying the message is first person singular sharing which is suggested in the AA textbook, Chapter 7, Working With Others. The "WE's" and the "You's" and the "US's" i.e. giving advice usually doesn't work and sometimes it's toxic, as evidence by some AA fellowship meetings. These meetings don't follow the suggestions in Chapter 7. Either others relate to me or they don't and I don't waste my time with those that don't relate.