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Old 05-27-2015, 06:08 AM
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Unhappy Do you ever feel like...

No one cares about you? We are having epic flooding here in Texas and people are dying and many have gone missing. The county I live in was just declared a disaster area. Scary stuff. I have not gotten one call/email/text/IM from my family (my huge extended family in MN) so see if I am OK. They all know I live alone. I guess I could be missing or dead and they would not care. I just feel quite sad about this. So sad in fact that I drank last night. I was tired and alone, two of the HALT acronym.

I know what people are thinking... why does she let other people dictate the way shes feels. I get that. Sorry.
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:11 AM
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Yes. I often think most people are so wound up in their own life, they don't think of others. You could subtley remind them. Send an email "just wanted you all to know I'm doing OK even with all that is going on in TX."

If it helps, I hope you are doing OK.
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:23 AM
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That seems to have escaped the news services here AF.
I hope that you are ok.

Prayers to all affected.

D
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:28 AM
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Im a stranger behind a screen but I have been following the news of flooding/storms in TX and OK for a while now. Now that I know you are there, you will be in my thoughts. The pictures are incredible and sad and I'm sorry that those in your life aren't reaching out to you.

Some say it's selfish to want that. I think it's being human. When we are going through something: good or bad, it's human nature to want others to reach out to us, to say "You are in my thoughts. I care about you" That's not selfish at all.

But know right now, here, someone is saying "I'm sorry you're going through this and I care about what is happening"

((((HUGS))))
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:31 AM
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Not defending your family in Minnesota but I'm in Wisconsin and I didn't even know about the flooding in Texas until this morning. I try to avoid the news.

I hope you are doing okay through all of this and now that I know I will be praying for your safety as well as all the people down there. Oh my goodness.
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:45 AM
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I was thinking that we can't control our feelings , they just happen. We can control our actions and decide how we want to react to some feelings. I'm sorry you were feeling that way . I hope things can happen soon that can produce better feelings for you.
Drinking is so closely tied to negative feelings and sadness and a net negative action that distancing yourself from it would be not only a non-negative but a positive action to help produce better feelings , no ?
I hope you stay safe and wish you well
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:45 AM
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Thank you all... your thoughts and prayers mean a lot.
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Old 05-27-2015, 06:55 AM
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Hi AF, I'm sorry all that is happening and that it gives you even more personal frustrations.

To answer your question: no, not really. If anything, I'm sometimes prone to feeling the opposite, that too many care about me, that people are sometimes intrusive, and damn just leave me alone. But I have a bit of a schizoid streak It was much worse when I was young and I've had to work on this a lot to actually be able to take caring and help in, especially when it's unexpected.

I do sometimes have intense desires to just hook up with specific people, do something together, or have a discussion on something that interests me in the moment. Or just want to feel their presence. I typically initiate these connections then, unless I see a very good reason why not to do so. But I do sometimes feel awkward expressing directly that "I've been thinking of you, and just feel like talking/being with you, no particular reason". It would not keep me from initiating, but when I was younger, I would always make up a "reason". Like, call my best friend and tell him about a complicated scientific question I'm thinking/working on, and what's their view. Then the conversation would often shift to more personal areas soon, and I'm happy.

One of my good friends in the past picked up on this issue/habit of mine, and tried to get me drop the habit of making "excuses" why I call him. Kinda worked, not always. My therapist (the one I was seeing before the current one) also picked up on this, and had some cool strategies to try to get me be more direct about my needs regarding communication and people. He told me many times I could call anytime I need help or just an opinion, but I kept failing this. So he started doing it himself: would ring me up sometimes out of the blue between sessions, just to ask how I was doing. At first I had no clue why, and kinda started thinking "wth do you want, this is weird, we just spoke yesterday" etc, but I realized soon what it was about. Then we discussed it directly. I have even better opportunities to practice the lesson with my current therapist, who is brilliant at dealing with all sorts of tricky interpersonal stuff. For example, instead of starting on some complicated and pseudo-sophisticated subject to discuss when I meet him (either in person or on Skype), the challenge is to drop the layers and go straight to the core of what is bothering me. Or bothering him, for that matter, about me or our relationship -- he lets me dig into that using his own methods. Again, really cool experiences, and so helpful. I find that I am definitely able to just directly approach people with my emotional need (or deal with their similar demands and expectations) much more easily now. Still find myself falling into my old habits, but there is a significant improvement. If nothing else, I've become much more directly aware of my own needs.

The reason I'm telling this story? To suggest that when you feel this way about people, seek them out yourself. Far, far better than drowning your needs and feelings in alcohol, as we know. If the convo does not turn out good, cut it politely if possible, and look for someone else. I see this similarly to getting sober in a way: something that requires action on our part, instead of purely thinking and wishing for it to happen. I think that we alcoholics and addicts very often have problems with expressing our desires and needs adequately in the interpersonal worlds, and instead, we turn to our substance of choice...

And yeah I've seen the flood on the news, it sucks. Glad you are OK though, relatively speaking
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:04 AM
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I didn't learn of it until this morning; I haven't had the television on or logged onto a news site.

How frightening.

Stay safe, AF.

I am sorry you haven't heard from any family . . . . .
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:10 AM
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Originally Posted by haennie View Post
The reason I'm telling this story? To suggest that when you feel this way about people, seek them out yourself. Far, far better than drowning your needs and feelings in alcohol, as we know. If the convo does not turn out good, cut it politely if possible, and look for someone else. I see this similarly to getting sober in a way: something that requires action on our part, instead of purely thinking and wishing for it to happen. I think that we alcoholics and addicts very often have problems with expressing our desires and needs adequately in the interpersonal worlds, and instead, we turn to our substance of choice...
I get what you are saying Haennie. I used to do the same thing and call people for some "reason" hoping that the conversation would turn to other more personal things. I am better at just calling to call now that I am older. The way I see this situation is that I am the one who is possibly in peril and I would hope that others would see that and respond. The onus should not be on my part to call them. (I am just seeing this on CNN - 18 dead and 13 missing). I know that if the situation were reversed, I would be contacting that lone soul in Texas to see if they are alright and offer support. I have a huge family (6 aunts and uncles, 27 cousins and many more second cousins). But they are all in MN and I am here. Out of sight out of mind evidently.
Thanks for your response Haennie... you always share interesting things.
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:12 AM
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I, as one of many here at SR, am very glad that you are safe. Please stay that way.
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:16 AM
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(((SoberLeigh)))

You are a sweetie! Thanks. I am trying to stay safe.
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:37 AM
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AF ,
having had a read through your posting history and the things that hit your buttons i'd be wary of expecting anything too much from your family .

Other people are out of my control and it was always my want for things to be different than how they were that caused me sadness and misery ..

Seems to me we can't force others to change their behaviour or indifference , what we can do is change how we react .

I found acceptance of how things are more useful to staying sober than expecting the world to live up to and deliver my expectations .

Take care, m
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Old 05-27-2015, 07:45 AM
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Sure, I've heard about the floods. Anyone who turns on the national news or even takes a quick trip to news.google.com would know about it. If your friends and family don't follow current events, that's not your problem - it's theirs.

Texas is not alone. Flash floods killed 6 people in Australia earlier this month. Of course, nobody down here in Central America has a clue about it....and I'm betting that 90% of the USA doesn't either. Do alcoholic Aussies get a free pass to drink because the world ignores their problems?

Alcoholics are great at finding excuses to drink. I'm sorry you felt that the actions (or non-actions) of others somehow caused this to happen. I agree with Haennie that you have to make the first move if you need support. Waiting for others to read the Bat Signal when you're hurting and come to your rescue isn't proactive. Alcoholics must learn to reach out when they are feeling vulnerable. I am glad you shared your experience and hope you are well and dry.
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:28 AM
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You can't control other people's actions. Been reading your posts in here for quite a while and this exact issue has been a hot button for you a long time. So in a way even though you're not in contact with this family, they're controlling you.

You need to find a better way than drinking to deal with your resentments and loneliness. Did the drinking help the situation in the long run? Or heck even in the short run?

Please don't take this the wrong way because I'm not sure how to word it properly but I think it needs to be said anyways: I'm sure it's not your true intent, but most of the time when you have these "I drank again" posts, I get a very cavalier ho-hum "oh well" attitude from them.

I do believe you want to stop drinking but maybe it's time you put a plan of action into place. You've got a great support network set up here, but it doesn't seem to be enough. What else can you do to keep this same or similar situation from playing out again and again and again? Posting here on SR doesn't seem to be enough.

Worried about you and wishing you the best today...
Casey
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:39 AM
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Sorry you drank AF, and I"m glad that you are safe and sound from the flooding.

I understand you are a very sensitive person, but at some point you are going to need to stop using that as an excuse to keep drinking. The recurring theme the last few times that you have drank seems to be lonliness. Perhaps you need to start seeking out local support so you can meet people and have local voices/faces to call on for help when you need it? Or perhaps you could try volunteering in some way in your community? Sometimes the key to helping ourselves starts by helping others.
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:51 AM
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ArtFriend, I'm sorry you drank. I'm sorry you feel alone and lonely. I'm sorry that Texas is having such tragic flooding.

I'm sending hugs. However, you know that your family isn't supportive. Either they're thoughtless or maybe cousin Susie thought of you but got distracted and didn't call. Then cousin Bob thought cousin Susie called. Things happen. We don't have to drink over them. And too, a LOT of people here in the U.S. don't even know about the floods or that much of Texas was declared a disaster relief zone.

Find inside what keeps you strong. Find inside the strength to admit weakness and reach out for help before you drink.
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:54 AM
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ArtFriend, thanks for the wake up call, please for give me. I've been so involved in the Republican, Democratic rant over it all that I didn't think to consider that tens of thousands of people are suffering, hope you are doing well.
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:56 AM
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I'm sorry you felt so alone you drank. I've been following the floods and they are very tragic. There is another member on the Whiner's Thread, who is a Texan, so thinking about that person as well.
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Old 05-27-2015, 08:57 AM
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Hey, thanks. I will work on it.
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