Hi graywh1teblue - welcome
You say you love being stress free...but reading your post it doesn't sound like you have a stress free life just the opposite.
I know the idea of respite from stress is pretty strong but I think you're just adding more and more stress the deeper you get into this.
When only a pill makes you feel ok, that's a sign you're pretty heavily addicted.
I know going off our drug of choice is not much fun but I reckon it will get harder and harder to do the more you put it off?
D