Hi Nowsthetime,
I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I don't have enough sober time under my belt to offer any advice, but just wanted to say that I totally understand and know how frustrating it can be. One of my hardest things in the last year and a half of trying to "manage my drinking" and then "moderate" and then finally realizing its not possible for me and that I need to really commit to sobriety is how to handle my friends that I have always drank with.
You mentioned that you need more support - have you thought about AA or any other recovery program? It seems like you're doing great with 13 months under your belt, but maybe having a group of people to talk to in person when these things arise would help? I dunno...just throwing it out there.
I posted a similar thread yesterday and a very wise person posted to me:
Jeff can believe whatever Jeff wants to believe......
I've gotten the impression Lola would prefer not to live the way Lola has been living with alcohol.
Jeff's opinions and / or alcohol issues have zero bearing on Lola's reality.
Replace "Jeff" with your friend and/or husband. I know its not the same, but maybe it will ring true for you too.
Oh and I totally get you about if you're having "one drink" reaching for the strongest drink possible. I got into this once with a friend and I didn't do a smart thing...I ended up drinking straight vodka with a splash of water for the night. I threw away the months of my own sobriety to "teach her a lesson" that I can't control my drinking and ended up drinking for the next several months. Please don't do that.
Take care.