Originally Posted by
Nowsthetime 
Hello all:
There's no way I'm putting my guard down again, that's why I'm posting here.
I am going to dinner with girlfriends. These are friends that I've known for a long time and that have been drinking buddies. I have been clear with them about the fact that I am not a drinker anymore but yesterday when we were setting everything up one of them asked me if I was going to drink. This is my friend that has been mourning losing me as a drinking buddy a lot. She has asked me many times if I am ever going to drink again. She's even told me that she misses me drinking. So yesterday when we were texting she directly asked me "so, are you going to drink?".
I defused the situation with humor saying that what I really wanted was a body shot off Antonio Sabato Jr. in his underwear modeling days ha ha ha... I didn't know how else to handle it. And then to put the icing on the cake my husband tells me, "why don't you just have one with her?"
That was when I lost it, I got furious. I told him again that I am an alcoholic and that my brain just does not work like that. After having a few a couple weeks ago and even though it was just a couple I still started my account over I got to be honest and there's no way I want to start counting again ...
I have had this conversation with her before. Now I feel like unless I drink she doesn't want to hang out. We enjoy each other's company even when I've been sober this whole year so I don't understand why she still wants me to drink when there's really no difference in my attitude or things that we do. I have had this conversation with her before. Now I feel like unless I drink she doesn't want to hang out.
Now I have a battle in my head. My AV is rampantly using what my hubby said and the fact that I only had a couple when I did drink about a month ago. But I know what it's going to happen if I open the door again. I have not had the experience but I have learned it from all my brothers and sisters here at SR. Why is she so adamant that I drink ? Let's say I do have just one drink, for what? Starting my count over and risking opening that door? No way! I also want to set the boundary. I DON'T DRINK!
I don't want to, I'm not going to, but I'm getting tired of hearing it. I am an adult and I should be able to decide and be supported, specially this great decision. I got drunk early at her wedding and had to leave... This was 7 years ago. Come on! Doesn't she see that's a problem?
Thoughts on handling it?
Do you have a pattern of going on the wagon and drinking again?
Is your pattern something like the following : drinking, then say your not drinking, then change your mind and then drink again, go back on the wagon, drink again at her wedding, try sobriety again, drink again even though it was only a couple, start your count again....?
If it is something like that, well that is the pattern that they are seeing. Everytime you swear off it maybe they don't take you that serious because it doesn't last?
Maybe your hubby is looking at you miserable and in some confusion? he doesn't see that your heart is in it so he's thinking you could have a few and relax? Maybe his intentions were good?
If you were able to (try) to diffuse the situation with humour with your friend.....why couldn't you (try) to diffuse the situation with humour with your husband? Do you have a temper? Did he know you had a temper before marrying you?
they could be holding up a mirror to your own doubts or your own previous pattern.
Only thing you can do is show them that your serious with your actions. If that's the new you, then people will have to accept the new you, or slowly with the passage of time...leave your life.