Originally Posted by
RedDog735 
Do I just remember that he has a sick, demented, addict brain that cannot be rational even if he tried? Do I remember that he has an underlying personality disorder that will possibly not go away even if he stops drinking? Do I remember all of the turmoil and pain he's put me through? What is going on with his brain?? How can he possibly think this is OK? HOW COULD HE.
You can just as easily ask, How could *I*? You are as addicted to him as he is to his lifestyle. If you cannot be in the town where he is without feeding your addiction, you have to step back and decide if you really need to go to the town where he is. You can remember or not remember all of those things about him. But it might do you better to remember that YOU have not been able to be around him at all without very bad consequences. He is doing what he does. You can't expect him to fix your problem for you; change is going to have to come from you.
I don't want to sound harsh, but your actions show you are not done with this yet. It's okay. You have to be where you are, but if you want a way out of this, it is there, and it will only come from you, not him.