These gave me a good chuckle, which is sorely needed when you're coping with A's. Here are a few:
"If my house were straightened up, I wouldn't drink". (Said by a slob who doesn't even make beds, as far as I know - not a household member).
"I took a couple of Benadryl earlier and that's why I'm drowsy". (Um, and that explains the vodka smell how?)
"Well, it's not like I drink every day" (The last I checked, you can go on binges and still be an A).
"I like to be with my brothers in arms" (Said by a Vietnam vet family member who hangs out with other A vets - whom he didn't actually serve with)
"That smell is just muscle rub ( or mints, or mouthwash)" (PUH-LEESE....none of those things make you act like a space cadet)
"What I had for wine was only about 2 1/2 glasses" (Said after downing an ENTIRE 750 ML bottle)
"I'm trying to lose weight, so I'm cutting out the wine" (Promptly has 2 glasses at diner)
Two bonus quacks from recovering As who have swapped their drinking problems for gambling and binge eating:
"I don't gamble every day or gamble grocery money, so I don't have a problem" (Yeah, and you've only practically left your family homeless twice over your spending).
"If I got to travel, I'd be more careful about my diet and exercise habits" (As we Texans say, bull____)