Five months and holding ...on a hair.
Wow, after about 150 days of sobriety and most of that time has been pretty uneventful as far a abstaining from the booze. A few little itches here and there but nothing of real consequence. Then...
The past few days have been horrendous. I have twice been in the truck and hell bent to go get beer. Yesterday, I contemplated getting a six-pack of non-alcoholic beer and a twelve-pack of regular (the near-beer would mask the real beer breath.) WHAT THE HELL???? This is the kind of crap-thinking I would do back in the drinking days. I really had to struggle to stop myself from going through with it. This was some really serious "gonna do it" cravings. I honestly don't know how I thwarted the attacks, but it was unbelievably strong. I was a hair away from doing it!!! And that AV keeps telling me that it's going to happen, why fight it? I know why I fight it, just hope I can continue to do so. I can't really find a trigger that started this, nothing has changed at home. Scary stuff. I don't want to return to the life of hiding and lying of drinking . I guess the pink cloud was hanging around too long this time and when it was gone, it was gone!
Sometimes it helps to blurt out what we're feeling. I kinda brings a perspective on the true situation and to show others that it isn't easy. It is a fight for life. I have to hang on, not only for myself, but for all of you who are also struggling as well. I want to give hope so that I can receive.
Thanks for being there, as always.