I think there's a difference between involving your son in the arguments you're having with his mother, on the one hand, and educating your son about his mother's alcoholism, on the other. And I think that's at the heart of the divide you're perceiving in the advice you're getting. My read of this (and I've read the whole thread now) is that generally posters on here tend to encourage parents to provide age-appropriate guidance about alcoholism to their children, and that generally posters here also recommend avoiding putting children in the middle of marital arguments. It's unfortunate that your wife talks badly about you to your son, but trying to refute the nasty things his Mom says only puts him in the middle of the argument. If you want him to perceive you as a good father, the best thing you can do is make every effort to be a good father. One thing that might really help you to be the best father you can be is to seek help for yourself. You could set a good example for your son by going to counseling, going to Al-Anon, and showing him that there's no shame in reaching out for help when help is needed, and maybe he will learn that the best thing is not to clam up. And by all means, explain to him that his mother is an alcoholic and that if he wants to go to Alateen, you think he might find it a good place to get some support. This will be more persuasive if you are already seeking help for yourself and can share with him some of what you've learned. Offering him a safe place to talk to his peers in Alateen is not the same as putting him in the middle of your fights with his mom (and right now talking to you is not a neutral, supportive space for him, as he no doubt realizes you are upset by the things his Mom says.) I can tell that you're trying very hard to do the right thing. I wish you luck!