Thanks for chiming in everybody
Hi Stung... funny, my AH describes his childhood just as you describe yours...
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Mine was the polar opposite. I was ALWAYS in trouble and a major overachiever. None of my friends ever understood why I was always grounded. My friend's moms would comment on how polite and mild mannered I was and then I'd go home to my mom who would berate me for whatever my failure of the day was.
Thotful, thanks for sharing your story. My childhood was quite different from yours. I never felt any fear of my father, but I do feel fear of my AH, and I absolutely do not want my children (2 and 3) to grow up with that kind of fear that you describe.
It sure is a lot to process....
The longer I'm here on SR, and the more work I do on Step 4, the longer my journey ahead seems to be... but I guess there's no rush.
My father was not abusive in any way, I just always remember feeling as though I wasn't "good enough." I have several vivid memories of comments he made when I was young which I took to mean I would never be as "good" as my mother, as pretty as her, as skinny as her, and I was not worthy of being loved by anyone in the way he loves her.
I know now intellecutally, that my father loves me, and is proud of me. I know he didn't intend for me to internalize his comments in the way that I did.. but those things stick.
And my mother... she's wonderful, she's an angel who would do anything for me... but she is / was extremely passive. She would call it "easy-going," but I've really never seen her express much emotion, or opinion. My father made all the decisions, and it's all "okay" with her.
I'm definitely like that too... It's hard for me to express my opinions because I'm not really clear a lot of the time what my opinions are.
Both my parents are ACOA and my father was severely physically abused.
My mother never told me anything about her childhood, or really anything about her life before I was born. I would never have known about my grandmother being an alcoholic, but my aunts have told me many stories since I've been an adult.