Vaya, it is so good to understand that you are very aware of the consequences of the choices made...on you...and please know that you do not need to feel ashamed (go through that too and it just rips me apart from the inside out)...you have forgiven so much in your son (& probably so many others)...just give yourself a bit of that...and know that you have support streaming into you from many, including myself. A meeting will help...trying to get to one myself as I saw my addict daughter for mothers' day (as usual, it destroyed family plans with the others...as she couldn't/wouldn't or didn't go to meet the family and I chose to stay with her so need to live with the consequences of that choice which means harsh feelings towards me (from me for sure...and in the past...blame from the others...so why would anything change...it comes out when they are unwilling or unable to stand with me) for not being there for the rest)...and I paid her remaining rent (directly to transient hotel person...but nonetheless...had not enabled since December of 2013 and before that not with money at all...experience with the others)...and by Sunday night, she was texting and calling to ask me to release an 'extra' $10 that she thought was available...did not do this nor did I explain; had already told her it was a one-time thing...and it will remain the exception...as know what she can do with $10 and know the level of desperation and know that she chooses her living situation (she has been clear about that...although her reasons are not smart nor intelligent...but then, nothing about drug addiction is). Would break my heart again if not working to survive financially...so all is good...as being desperate can create good change in me and need to do that. You reminded me that a meeting would be good and I will work to go today although work has me exhausted. Take good care of you and know that am walking by your side...you know what you are dealing with...and you are working on you...for the rest...it is one step at a time...and your steps are different than mine. Sending care and positive thoughts.