Vastreaction

I haven't posted or browsed here in a quite a long time. In fact, I don't remember there being any mobile support - it was a real pain to post from my phone (which was more comfortable to lounge with a smartphone than sit at the computer).

I'll try to be brief about the bad parts, because we've all heard horror stories. I just need to get the nightmarish last week off my chest. I obviously went back to drinking, after lapsing my focus to SR forums, trying AA meetings, etc. Thought I was moderating decently because I didn't let the hangovers get to bad, and was holding down a new job without a hitch. I've managed to make some solid friendships there. Been there just over a year.

On Wednesday 5/6 after work I went out with a female coworker and we split half of a bottle of tequila. She had to work in the AM, but I didn't, so I sneakily finished it when we woke up. When I got home (5/7) I napped a bit, then got up, grabbed a 6pack of beer, and played the new Mortal Kombat with a friend. Slept decently!

Friday 5/8 was when I reeeeaaaally started slipping down the drain. I installed an AC unit in my bedroom, and celebrated with a few gulps from a fresh half gallon of vodka. Went and had sushi, 1 big beer with that. I went to a party that night, brought the half gallon and took several shots from it, drank a few beers, and took several hits of pot.

I vaguely remember staggering home and passing out. Same coworker from Wdnesday dropped by Saturday 5/9, and I was so hungover I was happy to see that she brought a fresh half gallon of vodka. We sipped on that, ate some Chinese delivery, watched TV, and passed out. She woke up and went to work on MOTHER'S DAY.

I evidently finished the half gallon and slept all day. I didn't call my mom. When my coworker came back over around 8pm, I hadn't had access to liquor and I was vomiting and shaking. I found things on the floor of my apartment I don't remember, like fast food containers. We ate Chinese delivery, that's the ONLY food I remember having. Packs of cigarettes, a vague memory of almost knocking my AC out the window on accident. I have a big scratch on my forehead, and a big section of my left finger was torn open pretty good.

I haven't seen my mother in years due to financial constraints, and I didn't call her on Mother's Day because I was so blacked out I lost about 30 hours. I tried to detox for one day by myself, and it felt so much worse than prior attempts I bit the bullet and hit the ER.

Saline drip with vitamins and minerals, a small dose of Ativan, full blood work with an EKG. My heart is fine but my blood pressure had skyrocketed. I am now on a sodium restricted diet, and tapering on Librium, which I had once about 3 years ago. That time wasn't this bad, but I am still in awe that I got to this point again...

Ignoring my mother? This feels distinctly Rock Bottom, however, and I feel committed to removing alcohol as a factor from my life. Not moderating. I'll start formulating a plan, and I'll be prepared to answer and questions and take any advice. Thank you for letting me spill my guts, this felt good.

That wasn't super brief...