Originally Posted by
Scared1234 
I cannot believe how much alcohol screws with my mind now. When will I reach the breaking point and just give up on the drink once and for all? Why am I so scared to lose it forever? This sucks. I'm stuck between drinking and not drinking...AND BOTH TERRIFY ME
Ultimately it is your decision as to when you've had enough. While getting sober is scary, if you continue the path you're on, it will only get worse.
For all of us, getting sober was scary. However, we all had to face that fear in order to get sober. There are a lot of wonderful people here on the board that have many years of sobriety. Their lives have changed for the better. Yours can too. When I got here, seeing that it was possible to have a happy life sober, and knowing they had gone through what I have, was a huge source of comfort. You can do it.