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Im on day 2 and my mind is in hell

Old 05-12-2015, 02:15 PM
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Im on day 2 and my mind is in hell

I binge drank on Sunday night with a friend. I knew it was a mistake but I did it anyways. Its now tuesday and I am so paranoid and anxious that I feel like I'm losing my grip here. All I'm doing is digging into my upper abdomen checking for an enlarged liver. Now its hurting on my right side. Its probably hurting because I've been freaking digging into my right side with my hand for 2 days now!!! But my anxious brain is saying "Nope, its hurting because you ruined your liver by drinking" I know the anxiety increases sensations of pain but I can't snap myself out of this paranoid state. I'm just sitting here waiting to die from liver failure, heart attack, and a stroke. Like any moment, I'm going to die.

I cannot believe how much alcohol screws with my mind now. When will I reach the breaking point and just give up on the drink once and for all? Why am I so scared to lose it forever? This sucks. I'm stuck between drinking and not drinking...AND BOTH TERRIFY ME
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:18 PM
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Perhaps it's time to surrender that you cannot drink at all? And accept that you need help to stop? I know I couldn't do it on my own. Anxiety and fear is very common during withdrawals, and it usually gets worse each time. Have you considered seeing a doctor for your physical symptoms?
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:22 PM
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I hope you make the choice to stop drinking.

I had dark thoughts like yours and it was an awful way to live. None of us have any guarantees about our health, but you can ease your mind and help your body by stopping drinking today.
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:23 PM
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My doctor prescribes a benzo to help with the panic and anxiety. But I REALLY dont want to be taking benzos a day after drinking. I hear benzo + alcohol problems = BAD
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
My doctor prescribes a benzo to help with the panic and anxiety. But I REALLY dont want to be taking benzos a day after drinking. I hear benzo + alcohol problems = BAD
You could always get a second opinion, is your doctor aware of your alcoholism? I'd suggest being honest about how much you drink with him or her and see if they have any suggestions about how you can safely go about quitting. And you can get examined for any physical issues you may or may not have.
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:55 PM
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Scared, don't wait until it's too late. You have the power to quit today, you will thank yourself for it tomorrow.

A lot of us can give you all of the alcoholic horror stories that you need to hear. I know I've got my fair share. You are not alone in how you feel, your anxiety, fear of dying, depression...

The bottom line is you can do this, you never have to feel this anxiety again. It takes hard work and dedication, but trust me, it is so worth the effort you put in.

Do what ever it takes to not drink. Lean on this community as much as you need.

You can do it!
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Old 05-12-2015, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post

I cannot believe how much alcohol screws with my mind now. When will I reach the breaking point and just give up on the drink once and for all? Why am I so scared to lose it forever? This sucks. I'm stuck between drinking and not drinking...AND BOTH TERRIFY ME

Ultimately it is your decision as to when you've had enough. While getting sober is scary, if you continue the path you're on, it will only get worse.

For all of us, getting sober was scary. However, we all had to face that fear in order to get sober. There are a lot of wonderful people here on the board that have many years of sobriety. Their lives have changed for the better. Yours can too. When I got here, seeing that it was possible to have a happy life sober, and knowing they had gone through what I have, was a huge source of comfort. You can do it.
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Old 05-12-2015, 03:59 PM
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I can't do it that easily. I know right now I'm hurting mentally and terrified. Come day 5 or 6, my anxiety and panic is a 0 and I get all cocky and confident that I can binge. I want to break the cycle so bad but I know my mindset gradually changes until I end up binging again
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Old 05-12-2015, 04:17 PM
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I think the key is actually committing to recovery - joining a recovery group, or committing to posting here daily (join the class of may?)...finding as much support as you can and using it every day, as well as when you need to....

and making changes in your life to reflect your desire to be sober - like being careful who you hang around and what you do.

You'll get out of your recovery plan what you put into it

D
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Old 05-12-2015, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
I can't do it that easily. I know right now I'm hurting mentally and terrified. Come day 5 or 6, my anxiety and panic is a 0 and I get all cocky and confident that I can binge. I want to break the cycle so bad but I know my mindset gradually changes until I end up binging again
Then you'll have to adjust your mindset to not drinking.
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:33 PM
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I'm glad you're here and can admit that you can't moderate your drinking.

Have you thought about seeing a doctor to get your liver checked? They may be able to give you some tips and hopefully the test will come out all right and give you some relief.

Stick around! Being panicked and anxious from your drinking is no way to live.
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Old 05-12-2015, 06:07 PM
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Hi Scared, I believe many of us can relate to how you feel regarding the fear and anxiety. It is not a pleasant experience. Next time you get cocky and confident maybe come here first and read this thread. Might be a good deterrent. Wishing you the best.
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