Originally Posted by Mrrryah1

So - I'm feeling pretty low To say I've had a rough go of sobriety lately would be an understatement. To say I'm disgusted, horrified, shocked by my actions of late would be an understatement.

To give you a brief glimpse, I woke up in the hospital on Friday with tubes and IV's sticking out of me everywhere, no recollection of what happened, nurse told me I overdosed. I share because maybe it will remind somebody or something that happened to them, or maybe somebody can give me a piece of hope, cause I can't find it on my own. This was a first in my life. I was there alone and I was scared and the worst part is, I left and immediately used.

I'm sober now (today, here, now) and one thing feels different than it ever has before.

1) I don't just think I'm going to die from this disease if I don't stop anymore. I KNOW it. I used to say it, I used to think "maybe", or "it's possible...", but I didn't KNOW it. I now know it to my very core. It's a wierd feeling, knowing this.

2) I feel completely defeated. I don't want to drink or experience any more - I'm too scared - so it's not defeated like "oh just take me alcoholism/addiction I'm going to drink myself to death" but it's like - I have zero fight left in me. None. None none none. I feel like an empty shell of a human being that is just existing with no life left inside. I'm 100% sure I can't beat this on my own.
One - Hundred - Percent. I cannot. I cannot. I cannot.

I need help. I'm dying.

Please tell me there's some kind of hope for me still.