I called my confidential work helpline and they said a counselor is going to contact me within two business business days. I've talked to a few people outside of my workplace who says this type of helpline is usually a stepping stone between work and treatment. Basically you get assessed by a professional and they make a recommendation to your workplace.
And I'm telling you. If that is what they say, I'm doing it. I'm doing it 100% and I'm going back to inpatient. There is nothing in the world I want to do LESS than go to inpatient except die, but that's exactly where the situation lies right now. It very well could be one or the other.
You're right Scott. I'm freaking terrified of when this fear wears off. TERRIFIED.