Hi (((((sad)))))
I relate to all of what you wrote, yes... could have written it myself a year ago.
And like the previous posters have stated, this is just what the A's do, and although we want to analyze it and figure out WHY and try to fix it... it does no good for us.
I'm glad you're here, and I hope you stay here. I know that for me, coming here and just reading the other member's stories and how similar many of them were to mine, was a big relief in the beginning... Just knowing how common this behavior actually is was helpful for me, and has helped me to know, and really BELIEVE that AH's behaviors are NOT my fault.
After all the blaming and verbal abuse for so long, even though I knew intellectually it wasn't my fault, there was still that part in the back of my brain that said, "well maybe it is... maybe if I was better.... or more this or less that.... then maybe he won't drink and things will be like they used to be."
I still struggle with that, but SR and Al-anon have helped me a lot.
I know how hard it is, and only you can decide when it's time to leave the relationship.... or not. We'lll be here for you no matter what.
Just keep taking care of you and your boys, and keep reading here...
(((((HUGS))))))