Dearest vaya...i wrote two responses on saturday with my own experience over 20 years (3 daughters...2 now living sober lives...functional, working, raising children and 1 active heroin addict). Both times the messages got lost...so reaching out today to let you know that we all have to learn our own ways, but to give money, shelter when they were using, or anything else when they were unwilling to do their own steps was what I had to learn.
Went all the way down...financially...but am starting over...and that didn't change anything with the kids (now adults) who still show addict behavioral traits even when not using...blame (mom in this case and many addicts in my family seemingly is the target, but it is probably her own long time (at least 40 years, probably longer) drinking and NPD like behavior), not helping me when I am down and out...rather...attacking with angry and blame on me rather than accountability for their actions...or willingness to do recovery work to work on those behaviors). Hope that you will be able to take some steps...this time...or the next turn of the wheel...before you are the one who goes down. Know many mothers of addicts (active) and they come to experience addiction collateral damage...RA, heart issues, stress issues (me) among other stress related diseases.
Please also know that I had my 2nd daughter (who might have been still using although on the path to sober and functional) come back to my house and live for 7 years with her twin daughters (what triggered her to sobriety in drug use if not behavior or drinking...now is working on drinking...girls almost 10) while she finished school. It was the best choice could make in the moment.
Do not regret what I did (worked with doctors, therapists and recovery groups, etc...so nothing in a vacuum); although did lose my own boundaries during parts of each one and had to regroup...also it was and is very necessary to work on my own recovery through all of the above and now...and continue to do that.
My current addict moved out on her own...lives in the worst area of San Francisco and pays $750/month in rent for one room...it is awful...but she will not leave and hopefully, what she says about going to a methadone clinic is true...I hope it is...so, as vale said...our own experiences are what help us to learn and grow...and not telling you what to do...saw your last post and it was heartening.
Sending you love and hugs and support. Please take care of you, though, as I have had some real bottoms and they are frightening and take a while to come back from (months and years, not days and weeks).