Sometimes life gives us crosses to bear. They are heavy and hurt us as we drag them around. (One of my 'Crosses' was a family friend and teacher who abused me and the people who 'chose' not to believe me or take it seriously at the time). One day I heard someone say that they had decided to stop punishing themselves with their own anger, and it made me realise. That's what I had been doing for almost 30 years. I was angry, and resentful, and allowing that 'Man' to affect all my other relationships. I have no contact with him, so have no way of knowing whether he is happy; sad; dead; whatever (and I don't want to know). The one thing that I did know was that all that anger I was carrying around. It sure as eggs are eggs wasn't affecting his life like it was affecting mine. So yeah, I was 'justified' in feeling angry. But it still meant that I was ultimately continuing to punish myself for something that someone else did wrong.
I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive him myself, so I told my higher power that I was passing this one over to them to deal with as they see fit. I parked up that heavy, painful old cross and moved on from it. It has been life changing.
And, yes. Miracles can happen. But a lot of it is an inside job, and has a lot to do with 'willingness' to change your mind about things. Are you willing? (And that's not me saying you 'deserve' to be miserable if you aren't. It's just the way it is. Like if you want clean dishes, you have to be willing to get your hands wet. If you don't wash them up, it doesn't mean I think you 'deserve' dirty dishes, just that's what you're likely to end up with.)
I really hope that you can find it in yourself to start asking for help (counsellors don't turn up at your door without you asking for one) and start seeing that people on here do actually want happiness and sobriety for you, and suggestions are made in a spirit of friendship, not to make you feel worse or to say ' well it's your fault because you haven't done XYZ'.
All that was 'miraculous' in my own recovery would have been pretty much invisible to the outsider. It has happened within me. A subtle shift, but it's meant that my outlook (on my future and on people) is mostly hopeful. It's an inside job I tell ya xx