Stratman1

I'm not sure what it is they trigger exactly but you get the idea.

How do you interact with people whom you consider a trigger?

Dee74

If they're not essential, I simply set them free from my life.

If they're essential, it's harder.

I have to work out why they trigger me, and try and work out ways where I can change my reactions to them.

D

Soberwolf

Totally agree with D Strat is everything ok bud ?

Stratman1

Fan*******tastic I suppose and always has been dude

Soberwolf

Whats up strat ?

Stratman1

Actually I just don't know. Maybe it's for another thread. I am really confused

Thats a good answer Dee. Although it does pose philosophical questions too

Della1968

Hope you are ok. I don't believe in triggers. I always used to especially certain people. For me I think triggers are excuses to allow myself to drink. I can't change people I had to retrain myself to respond to them differently. Or just avoid them for awhile. If I was in the mood to drink I could make the NYSEG man a trigger.

Dee74

The only real philosophy I have is I live in a world of immovable objects and immutable forces, Strat - we all do..

I'm the only thing I can really effect any change upon...but that change can open up many new possibilities .

D

Soberwolf

Were here for you Strat whats up what are you confused about

Dont bottle it up i used to do that were here for you bud

Whenever your ready

Stratman1

I've kinda cottoned on to that fact pretty fast since I sobered up. I didn't actually know that and I'm not sure why

I understand that too and always have done, intellectually at least. It's just man, ugh, difficult to explain kinda


Thanks Della. Again intellectually I agree and I do know this. Retrain myself to be a genuine fake though? I dunno man.

It's like, I've got some seriously sneaky and abusive 'relationships' to apparently contend with. And not just my parents.

They are not even relationships of any meaningful description, any interaction with them is just basically so destructive.

They go on about their lives having a great time- fine, great- but then unload on me and try to manipulate me emotionally.

And I'm aware of all this because I have had a lifetime of it. And what these people don't understand is the degree that I suffer.

There is just no common ground. I'm not even even being dramatic, I really do suffer and hate to admit that. I don't admit that ever.

But its written all over my body even. I don't know where this is all headed, it's not good anyway. Like they leave my feeling ill.

It's not even up for debate. I just will definitely not be emotionally manipulated and controlled in that way again by anyone.

Please correct me if anybody doesn't agree with me on that. Aw gee all I have is problems life is not supposed to be like this

Um yeah man, maybe I will throw out a thread or two later my head is a mess right now. It's been an unpleasant morning and I better hit the cot for a while

Della1968

God I hate that word

I am never fake. If I dislike someone that much and they lead me to feel that way I cut people out of my life. Family or not. I refuse to run over the same ground over and over. That kind of thing is what proceeded my drinking career.

MsJax

Stratman, It really is hard to deal with emotionally manipulative family members I dealt with this when I was young, to an awful degree after my mother died. My father had to deal with this person too. It is so difficult when one (or more) family members seems to have so much emotional power. And when I was young I didn't understand things like the necessity of detachment. I'm not going to bore you with a bunch of rehashed old crap - just wanted to let you know I understand. Don't give another person power over you. Do what it takes to be free, sober and healthy. I hope you feel better very soon.

Stratman1

I removed it for you. All ladies say that! The line was irrelevant.

I wasn't referring to you as fake but the people in question, yes.

I can't do it anymore. I don't how or why I attract the narcissists

You are right I can never have peace with that type of persona.

Its the only clear direction I ever got from all meditation and stuff

Stratman1

Sorry to hear that MsJax. Yeah its emotional power. I've been learning to detach I just live like a hermit

What could go wrong? More than I can believe tbh. This person isn't a family member, its a girl I dated.


She decided to get pregnant 'to teach me a lesson'. From that day she demands full autonomy over me.

No way man? She lives in another country for one, we did get on great until she started to manipulate me.


I was a really good friend and kind to her actually .Obvioulsy she took me for a soft touch based on

my previous relationship. Wants to manipulate me with pictures of her kids. She lives the good life.


She doesn't want to be with me or anything. Just to manipulate me emotionally, and nothing else but.

I take massive offense to this of course naturally. Well anyway thats what this here thread is all about

Stratman1

The general perception in the community, that I aint even part of but I did go on a bender into for a year is that 'but she is good looking, therefore'

Therefore what. WTF, I don't understand any of this. Ball of **** Oh yeah sure, I must love being manipulated and subtly abused its what I'm used to?

Della1968

I think sometimes if we are used to being treated a certain way we get accustomed to it and start to think that is the way it is. It seems we attract more of the same unless we change our boundaries..

Stratman1

You are right. Well, thats exactly what I am doing now.

I'm trying to recover and to maybe live an authentic life.

Well anyway that was a bit of a rant today, bit riled up.

Aellyce

What Della said, Strat. More specifically, if you feel that you keep attracting the kinds of people who abuse you and manipulate you, it's probably because they sense the potential victim in you, or at least someone who is willing to submit and serve their needs. That is probably the area to work on, and I gave you plenty of suggestions how to try earlier, still holding the same. It's a cycle like addiction that has to be broken, and as you know well, it's not any easier to break on your own.

Stratman1

Counselling and Therapy? I haven't had either. I probably should have years ago but I was never offered any, I just drank to cope.

My AV almost reared it's head yesterday. I dunno haennie I've had some serious difficulty accessing any services since I lost my job.

Medical, social, housing, and now legal- all the things that most people consider as human rights and take for granted and also receive.

I don't know why that is, but I have been acutely aware of it for my adult life. Local politics one person said? I have no idea what that means.

Soberwolf

Strat i say this with kindness but therapy of any sort isnt offered its sought

It wont come to you hence we work on our recovery and our personal lives

I think counselling of some sort could possibly help what do you think

Better yet what will YOU do ?

In your corner you can pm anytime to chat