Thank you for the messages guys, I want to give my apologies for not replying sooner as I wanted to think things over before coming back here.
I lapsed at the weekend hard and feel so ashamed, frustrated and stronger from it. I don't want to make excuses for drinking/drugs but for once feel it was hard to tempt and am back on the road to sobriety.
I had constant calls and texts on Friday from an old school friend trying to make me come out then after an hour of no's he turned up at my house and said look its urgent come with me. It turned out an old friend of ours who has been away for two years had made a surprise return. We ended up having a good night yes drinking but taking it slow. I don't know how but as usual we got cocaine and ended up on a two day binge.
I am feeling paranoid more then usual about things I might have done or said. I just need to stop this. I didnt want to come back on here until I felt a bit stronger and had a plan in place.
Day two sober for me. I am feeling like a failure and the thing I am finding the most is how paranoid I am currently and how alone I feel. I dont usually feel lonley but now its getting bad must be due to the booze.