Thank you for the responses all. It's difficult to explain but i have had brushes with alcohol the past 10 years, had a few short stays in rehab, went to AA a few times. But how sad is this, i don't think i truely accepted i was an alcoholic until now. Over the years it was, get clean for a week or 2 and then it was, i will drink sensibly, this drinking sensibly might last a while but it always ends up me drinking daily.
I met with a recovery worker last week who is due to see me once a fortnight, i will try to get to a meeting, if i can pluck up the courage without something in me. I will further research short stay rehabs, if i can get a place which is under £1000 for a the one week. Really there should be more affordable rehabs :/.