" I just get too depressed, to think and get jealous of people when they're drunk and pleasant"
I have similar thoughts every day. I'm in college, and as this is the last week there are gigantic parties right outside and fill up entire quads. Everyone is drinking and having a great time---
Except! I can't do that, and neither can you. We can't help ourselves, drink too much, drink uncontrollably, become the depressed and embarrassed person that we hate ourselves to be.
It's tough luck, but that's how it is. Associating drinking with the happy people who don't go out of control when they drink is a fast track to relapse.That's just not in the cards for many people, and while it's challenging to accept that and to let go of the learned idea that drinking = only way to have fun, it's also very possible.
There are plenty of other ways to have fun, to relax, to socialize and experience, without drinking. And what I'd argue, and I'm sure many on here would agree, is that the ways to achieve these things without drinking are far superior than otherwise.
You can do this!