I don't think there's a difference between being a female or male alcoholic, none that I've observed. You are right, insanity is the right word for alcoholism: despite catastrophic consequences and misery, active alcoholics continue to pour it down their throat.
Bill Wilson writes in the Big Book ("Alcoholics Anonymous") that drinking is only a symptom of a much bigger problem. It is the common psychological symptoms we share: selfish, self-centered in the extreme, enormous ego combined with low self esteem, grandiosity. Alcoholics are extremely self-destructive. So those lucky to get sober have to change (therapy/steps) or they will drink again.
I'm also codependent and have seen insane thinking in codependents, including myself. Staying in a relationship that makes me miserable because I refuse to deal with my own denial and rationalization. Alanon taught me that I'm not the victim, but if I want a good life and peace of mind I have to change myself.