Paddy, if you were to end it all you would never get to see the Irish beat the English in the six nations again
Seriously my friend, I hear you. There have been times in the last 6 years when I felt hopeless SOBER , let alone in my drinking days. Mostly when drunk I would think of ending things but really just wished I wouldn't wake up.
Through all this I have learnt that feeling hopeless is a passing thing...it's a Final solution to a very temporary problem. Oh, and alcohol is a depressant. Never mind the things we do and the way we live, drink-fuelled depression is just a chemical reaction no matter how real it feels. Remove the booze and things feel different.
Contact the samaritans, or perhaps some old AA friends if you have attended before. Or go to A&E...Without a knife.
Good luck and god speed
P