Why I'm P!ssed at the Universe
I'm 55 years old. I was married for 30 of those years. We had some good times and a whole lot of bad times. The last 5 years of the marriage were pure he!! and I tumbled into a severe depression (clinically diagnosed). I tried to commit suicide--and obviously failed.
I got divorced last year. I now a bit of freedom, but the alimony payments are sucking me dry. I met a woman who had also tried to commit suicide. We talked to each other a lot and got to be very good friends. I think of her as my girlfriend, even though we live 1500 miles apart.
What my girlfriend has gone through causes me to question the universe. It's obviously not a benevolent place, with all of the killing, maiming, famine, disease and other forms of destruction that are allowed in it.
Y'see, my girlfriend was raped when she was 11 years old. She got pregnant and damned near died. The only thing that saved her was the removal of her uterus, complete with fetus.
Just to make her life suck even more, her mom decided it would be cool to prostitute her. Guys lined up at the door to have a go. Best part was, her mom *watched* as my girlfriend was violated, over and over again. For several years. Mommy made a fair amount of scratch with this little business arrangement.
The real punchline in all of this was that one of the johns happened to be HIV-positive. So now my girlfriend lives with full-blown AIDS. She spends much of her time in hospitals, because a simple cold virus often causes her extreme illness. She's lucky to have two days in a row where she doesn't feel like absolute crap.
I heard from her this morning. I hear from her every morning...and afternoon, and night. Today, she's running a fever of 103.6 and is sitting in a crowded emergency room waiting to be seen. Of course, with our wonderful health care in this country, she's way past broke with all of the medical expenses she's rung up over the years. I'm sure glad her destitution has helped line the pockets of insurance company CEOs.
I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I have a genetic disease that has destroyed one of my kidneys and is working on eating up the remaining one. It also is hollowing out my lungs so my endurance is slowly going downhill.
Am I bitter? You goddamn betcha I'm bitter. I've had it with this foul universe and all of its suffering.