This hits so very close to home.
Everything your wife is doing I am 100% guilty of.
I am so early in my recovery I don't even feel like I can give you advice to help you as I would be a hypocrite. My husband did go with me to my first AA meeting last week and there we learned that there is a family support group for love ones and friends of alcoholics. Is it possible that there is the same group in your area you could go to for advice?
I hope you find support for you, your wife and son.
***HUGS***