Last night I was dealt a few problems I wasn't expecting. They really weren't problems but bumps in the road.
One involves my Mother-In-Law which I won't completely go into because lets face it. If you've heard one Mother-In-Law story you've heard them all. The other involves a break in truest with family members.
To be honest my Mother-In-Law has always been a hot button issue, even from the very beginning. She is overbearing, controlling and well the center of the universe (weren't you told). I saw this latest DPP (D's Pity Party) coming a mile away and to be honest I'm surprised it didn't come sooner. I fought with my husband about how we can't continue to give in to her. We just went into circles the argument didn't actually come to an agreement just and agreement not to talk about it and ruin the evening. After my husband went to bed I stayed up and wondered why he doesn't respect my options.
I came to realize that he doesn't respect me because I have not given him anything to respect in the last few years. I realized that I can't just demand respect, I can't expect it after a week of sobriety. I have to earn it back. I told my husband just that and you could have knocked him over with a feather. He couldn't believe who he was talking to. I'm giving in this time in hopes that in the future I will not have to yell and scream to get my points and opinions across because I will have earned his respect to listen to my concerns.
The other bump came to me when I found out that not 48 hours after I was promised that my parents hadn't talked to anyone about my drinking and that my husband when to them for support for him and I only, that my mother had done just that, gone and told someone. She told someone who I felt was my friend just as much as hers and even had the nerve to ask her if she had noticed. I honestly feel completely and totally betrayed. This more so than anything had me with my keys in my hand ready for another trip to Walgreen's. But along with my soul searching in dealing with my Mother-In-Law I decided to take a deep breath and find a solution. It is in no way the solution I want but in order to continue growing into the Strong Woman I want to become its the only way I have to deal with it. I have to just deal with it. Not go and scream at my mother for doing the very thing she promised me she wouldn't but deal with it. Fighting with my mother and hearing her BS answers on why she had to go and tell our friend will only infuriate me more and that will for sure send me to the bottle.
I am growing and its not easy but one step at a time I will become the person I want to be. I have to work at it because it isn't just going to happen.
I have my second AA meeting this afternoon and I'm actually excited to go and listen.
Y'all have a great Tuesday and sorry for the long post.
