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A little Soul Searching.

Old 05-05-2015, 09:53 AM
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Wink A little Soul Searching.

Last night I was dealt a few problems I wasn't expecting. They really weren't problems but bumps in the road.
One involves my Mother-In-Law which I won't completely go into because lets face it. If you've heard one Mother-In-Law story you've heard them all. The other involves a break in truest with family members.
To be honest my Mother-In-Law has always been a hot button issue, even from the very beginning. She is overbearing, controlling and well the center of the universe (weren't you told). I saw this latest DPP (D's Pity Party) coming a mile away and to be honest I'm surprised it didn't come sooner. I fought with my husband about how we can't continue to give in to her. We just went into circles the argument didn't actually come to an agreement just and agreement not to talk about it and ruin the evening. After my husband went to bed I stayed up and wondered why he doesn't respect my options.
I came to realize that he doesn't respect me because I have not given him anything to respect in the last few years. I realized that I can't just demand respect, I can't expect it after a week of sobriety. I have to earn it back. I told my husband just that and you could have knocked him over with a feather. He couldn't believe who he was talking to. I'm giving in this time in hopes that in the future I will not have to yell and scream to get my points and opinions across because I will have earned his respect to listen to my concerns.
The other bump came to me when I found out that not 48 hours after I was promised that my parents hadn't talked to anyone about my drinking and that my husband when to them for support for him and I only, that my mother had done just that, gone and told someone. She told someone who I felt was my friend just as much as hers and even had the nerve to ask her if she had noticed. I honestly feel completely and totally betrayed. This more so than anything had me with my keys in my hand ready for another trip to Walgreen's. But along with my soul searching in dealing with my Mother-In-Law I decided to take a deep breath and find a solution. It is in no way the solution I want but in order to continue growing into the Strong Woman I want to become its the only way I have to deal with it. I have to just deal with it. Not go and scream at my mother for doing the very thing she promised me she wouldn't but deal with it. Fighting with my mother and hearing her BS answers on why she had to go and tell our friend will only infuriate me more and that will for sure send me to the bottle.
I am growing and its not easy but one step at a time I will become the person I want to be. I have to work at it because it isn't just going to happen.
I have my second AA meeting this afternoon and I'm actually excited to go and listen.
Y'all have a great Tuesday and sorry for the long post.
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Old 05-05-2015, 10:02 AM
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Glad to hear you thought through this all rationally and made it out the other side. None of it sounds easy to deal with and I can relate to the part about your own mother, as mine is the type to do the same thing.

Good for you!
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Old 05-05-2015, 10:46 AM
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I think you have dealt with both situations in controlled and logical way.

Without the drink shouting over (but not dealing with) the negative aspects of our lives we can see things more clearly. In your case you have seen and handled it well

Congratulations on a week mysunshine
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Old 05-05-2015, 11:02 AM
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I think you have dealt with both situations in controlled and logical way.

Without the drink shouting over (but not dealing with) the negative aspects of our lives we can see things more clearly. In your case you have seen and handled it well

Congratulations on a week mysunshine
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Old 05-05-2015, 11:24 AM
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Keep pushing through Mysunshine!!

Life is gonna have ups and downs, even in Sobriety, the roller coaster doesn't come to a stop, but learning to cope with life without alcohol is the challenge, we need new tools in the tool box of life to make it happen, and you're doing a great job in doing that!!
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Old 05-05-2015, 11:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Mysusnshine1 View Post
came to realize that he doesn't respect me because I have not given him anything to respect in the last few years. I realized that I can't just demand respect, I can't expect it after a week of sobriety. I have to earn it back.
Mysunshine - glad you are here posting with us! This is very insightful and accurate, good for you.

I too had gotten to the point where words did very little. I had to make living amends by changing my behavior over time. As that continues, my credibility regains some strength.

It does not happen overnight, but slowly. Also we learn how to establish boundaries as we gain in emotional mature sobriety as well.

Glad you're going to meetings - I know for me if I am teachable I will learn much from others - here and elsewhere~!

Keep coming back
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Old 05-05-2015, 10:08 PM
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UPDATE!!!!
My husband came home this afternoon and told me he did in fact talk to his mother. He said after this morning he himself did some soul searching and realized that my points were very valid.
I couldn't believe my ears. We found a middle ground. We both came out winners!
I'm on cloud nine!
I received The Big Book today at my AA meeting so I'm off to do some reading. Y'all have a great night!
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Old 05-06-2015, 03:36 AM
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Great news Mysunshine. Good to hear

Congratulations on another day
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