The way I saw it when I was in your
exact situation was that, since my STBXAH had so wholly disregarded and disrespected my daughter, I would counter that by respecting her desire to completely ignore him. I guided
a little if she asked. But for the most part I let her be in the drivers seat.
For almost 2 years, from 14 to 16, she could barely stay in the same room as him and could only speak to him in a low guttural moan. Sometime during all this I started taking her to Alanon (she continues to go regularly). She would also occasionally meet with a therapist to talk about her dad. The combination of the two really helped her come to an understanding of their relationship. It was never going to be "normal", and she had every right to chuck it in if she wanted to. Everyone, and I mean
everyone, would understand if she never spoke to him again. It was entirely her choice.
She chose to keep him in her life. She just turned 18. Now she sees him every few weeks for small amounts of time and enjoys it when she does, but she's learned to have no expectations of him. It's better that way. She's had to call him down a few times when he's done stupid things, and she's still learning how to communicate her boundaries to him as an adult, but it is what it is, and she's learning to take it one day at a time.
By the way, welcome to the forum CQ35. You and I have a few things in common other than a teenage girl who doesn't speak to her dad. I also was married for quite a while (23 years), and my husband was diagnosed with PTSD (as well as a TBI).
I'm glad you found us
